# Dating in Your 30s > You know more about what you want than you did at 25. This is about using that, without letting a timeline make your decisions for you. Dating in Your 30s is for people who are clearer about what they want and tired of guessing whether someone else is. We write from research and named experts, and every article shows its sources. Part of the BUMIS network. General information, not therapy. Publisher: BUMIS (https://getbumis.com). BUMIS: Your Dating Mirror, a private app for seeing your own dating patterns. Every article lists its sources, author, publish date and last-updated date. General information, not therapy or professional advice. ## Articles - [Why do you keep choosing the same kind of person?](https://datinginyour30s.com/who-you-keep-choosing/why-you-keep-choosing-the-same-kind-of-person/): Research suggests many people's partners resemble each other, partly because familiar feels comfortable. Familiar is not the same as right for you. (Who you keep choosing, updated 2026-10-01) ## By the numbers - 37% of adults ages 30 to 49 have ever used a dating site or app. Source: Pew Research Center, The who, where and why of online dating in the U.S. (2023; 6,034 U.S. adults, July 2022): https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/02/02/the-who-where-and-why-of-online-dating-in-the-u-s/ - 46% of Millennial singles have used AI in their dating lives. Source: Kinsey Institute and Match, Singles in America, 15th annual Singles in America study (2026; About 5,000 U.S. singles): https://mtch.com/news/match-unveils-15th-annual-singles-in-america-study/ - 86% of unmarried adults ages 22 to 35 expect to marry someday. Source: Wheatley Institute and Institute for Family Studies, The Dating Recession (State of Our Unions 2026) (2026; 5,275 unmarried U.S. adults ages 22 to 35): https://wheatley.byu.edu/0000019c-4505-d61f-a3dc-dd478a270001/datingrecession-pdf - 78% of recent dating app users have felt burned out by the apps at least sometimes. Source: Forbes Health and OnePoll, Dating app burnout survey (2024; 1,000 U.S. adults who used a dating app in the past year): https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/ ## Further reading (other publishers) Hand-picked outside sources we point readers to. Linked, not copied. - [Marriage and dating in the US: Key facts for Valentine's Day](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/08/for-valentines-day-facts-about-marriage-and-dating-in-the-us/): Pew Research Center, 2024. Current numbers on partnering, marriage and dating that put your own timeline in context. - [Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, But Science Can Help](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/01/13/376804930/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do-but-science-can-help): NPR (Shots), 2015. Studies on what speeds healing after a breakup, including reflecting on it and reconnecting with old interests. - [Bad relationships and the fear of being single](https://www.utoronto.ca/news/bad-relationships-and-fear-being-single): University of Toronto. Research showing that fear of being single can quietly lower your standards and keep you in unsatisfying relationships. - [Ghosting: The Silent Breakup](https://www.gottman.com/blog/ghosting-the-silent-breakup/): The Gottman Institute. Why going silent hurts more than a clear no, and how to handle it when the messages just stop. - [10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/10_pillars_of_a_strong_relationship): Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. A research-based list of what lasting relationships rest on, useful for rewriting your own partner wish list. - [Fertility After 35: Cutting Through the Junk Science](https://www.med.unc.edu/timetoconceive/fertility-after-35-cutting-through-the-junk-science): UNC School of Medicine. University researchers separate real fertility data from the myths that fuel deadline panic in dating. - [The full list, by topic](https://datinginyour30s.com/reading/) ## Tools - [8-question dating pattern check](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/): runs in the browser, stores nothing, returns one of 9 public pattern cards. - [Full Speed](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/full-speed/): You feel it early and you let yourself run with it. - [Slow Burn](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/slow-burn/): You wait until you are sure, and you are rarely sure early. - [Clear Sky](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/clear-sky/): Not knowing where you stand is the hardest part for you. - [Open Ended](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/open-ended/): You are comfortable letting things stay undefined. - [Home Pull](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/home-pull/): You are drawn to a feeling you already know. - [New Horizon](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/new-horizon/): You go looking for something different each time. - [Long Goodbye](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/long-goodbye/): You stay past the point where it stopped working. - [Clean Break](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/clean-break/): When it is over, you are gone. - [Even Keel](https://datinginyour30s.com/quiz/even-keel/): No single lean stands out in your answers. ## Experts - Alexandra H. Solomon (Credentialed source): Relational self awareness, dating and building lasting relationships, drawn from her couples work and her Northwestern course. Licensed clinical psychologist; adjunct professor, School of Education and Social Policy, Northwestern University. Profiles: Instagram @dr.alexandra.solomon (https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Eli J. Finkel (Credentialed source): Research on how modern marriage and long term relationships work, and what partners expect from each other. Professor of Psychology and of Management and Organizations, Northwestern University; director of the Relationships and Motivation Lab. Profiles: X @EliJFinkel (https://x.com/EliJFinkel). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Esther Perel (Trending voice): Desire, infidelity and the tensions inside long term relationships, often through real couples sessions on her podcast. Profiles: Instagram @estherperelofficial (https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial/); TikTok @estherperel_official (https://www.tiktok.com/@estherperel_official). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Julie Menanno (Credentialed source, Trending voice): How couples get stuck in conflict cycles and how to feel secure with a partner. Licensed marriage and family therapist (MA, LMFT, LCPC); author of Secure Love. Profiles: Instagram @thesecurerelationship (https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/); TikTok @thesecurerelationship (https://www.tiktok.com/@thesecurerelationship). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Justin J. Lehmiller (Credentialed source): Research on sex, desire, casual relationships and friends with benefits. Social psychologist (PhD, Purdue); Senior Research Fellow, The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University. Profiles: Instagram @justinjlehmiller (https://www.instagram.com/justinjlehmiller/); X @JustinLehmiller (https://x.com/JustinLehmiller). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Lori Gottlieb (Credentialed source): What happens in the therapy room, including breakups, dating choices and the stories people tell about love. Psychotherapist; author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and The Atlantic's Dear Therapist column. Profiles: Instagram @lorigottlieb_author (https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Nedra Glover Tawwab (Credentialed source, Trending voice): Boundaries in relationships, family and friendship, and how to say what you need. Licensed therapist; founder of Kaleidoscope Counseling. Profiles: Instagram @nedratawwab (https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab/); TikTok @nedratawwab (https://www.tiktok.com/@nedratawwab). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Ramani Durvasula (Credentialed source, Trending voice): Narcissistic and high conflict relationships, and recovering after leaving one. Licensed clinical psychologist; Professor Emerita of Psychology, California State University, Los Angeles. Profiles: Instagram @doctorramani (https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/); TikTok @doctorramani (https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorramani). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Blaine Anderson (Trending voice): Dating coach for men who talks about dating app profiles, first dates, and how women experience modern dating. Profiles: Instagram @datingbyblaine (https://www.instagram.com/datingbyblaine/); TikTok @datingbyblaine (https://www.tiktok.com/@datingbyblaine). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Mark Groves (Trending voice): Relationship educator and podcast host who talks about codependent patterns, honesty, and building healthier connections. Profiles: Instagram @createthelove (https://www.instagram.com/createthelove/); TikTok @createthelove (https://www.tiktok.com/@createthelove). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Matthew Hussey (Trending voice): Dating and love life advice on raising your standards, confidence, and finding a partner, through his podcast, books and videos. Profiles: Instagram @thematthewhussey (https://www.instagram.com/thematthewhussey/); TikTok @thematthewhussey (https://www.tiktok.com/@thematthewhussey). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Paul C. Brunson (Trending voice): Matchmaker, TV host and author who talks about finding and keeping love, modern dating trends, and relationships at every stage of life. Profiles: Instagram @paulcbrunson (https://www.instagram.com/paulcbrunson/); TikTok @paulcbrunson (https://www.tiktok.com/@paulcbrunson). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Sabrina Zohar (Trending voice): Dating and relationship coach and podcast host who talks about anxious attachment, self-worth, and breaking repeating relationship patterns. Profiles: Instagram @sabrina.zohar (https://www.instagram.com/sabrina.zohar/); TikTok @sabrina.zohar (https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrina.zohar). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Shan Boodram (Trending voice): Intimacy educator, author and podcast host who talks about dating, sex, desire, and building close relationships. Profiles: Instagram @shanboodram (https://www.instagram.com/shanboodram/); TikTok @shanboody (https://www.tiktok.com/@shanboody). Last checked 2026-10-01. - [All experts and how we label them](https://datinginyour30s.com/experts/) ## About - [All articles, newest first](https://datinginyour30s.com/articles/) - [About Dating in Your 30s](https://datinginyour30s.com/about/) ## Optional - [Full text of every article](https://datinginyour30s.com/llms-full.txt) - [Machine-readable catalog (JSON)](https://datinginyour30s.com/index.json) - [RSS](https://datinginyour30s.com/feed.xml) - [Sitemap](https://datinginyour30s.com/sitemap.xml)